everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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