At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
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