put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
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