I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
