Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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