So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
My balls are so social today.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
