Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Randomize