his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
