Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
