i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
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