im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
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