This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Randomize
