and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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