I need to stop coming to work sober
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
My ass is underappreciated
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Randomize