It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
He did a backflip because drugs
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
