did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
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