remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
