They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Randomize
