Having a random hookup so left but love u
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
You were trust falling into bushes
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
