so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Randomize
