Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Randomize
