his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
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