I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
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