its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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