Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
