Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
His nipple licking is glorious
Randomize
