i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
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