I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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