which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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