His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize
