It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
