dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
