please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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