I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
