he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I'm getting married
To pizza
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
