I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
