How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
