Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Randomize
