hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize