I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Randomize
