dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
