is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize