Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Randomize
