im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
I love having hate sex.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
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