Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
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