well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
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