Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Randomize
