Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Randomize
