apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
