How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
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