She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
