Whatcha textin bout Willis?
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Randomize
