my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
