I am spending my child support on dildos
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
where are my eyebrows?
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
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