Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Randomize
