There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
