Where are you?
In a non slutty way
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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