so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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