the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
not ubering you a puppy
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
