apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
