We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
