You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
