it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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