I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
