if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
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