How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Randomize
