the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
tequila makes me forget i have legs
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Randomize
