I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
