just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Randomize