We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
If I die, sorry about rent.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
