so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
