My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Randomize