I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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