dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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