Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Randomize
