Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
