I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
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