think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Randomize