I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Let's get the cat blown out
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Randomize
