An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
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