I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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