Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize
