You're my little dorito
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
