I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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