Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
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