just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
there is puke in my bra ... again
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