so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
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