I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Randomize
