you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
