the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
